Divorce

Such an ugly word....devastating...final..worse than death. In death, you know the person isn't coming back. You'll never see them again.  In a divorce, they are still there.  Every time, you begin to feel better, they do something else to hurt you or anger you.  It's like a disease that attacks your emotions, your memories - forever altering who you are - killing you instantly in one way or another, but not exactly finishing you off. You carry along the scars, but these scars cannot be seen.  Only you know they are there unless someone catches you at the right moment, a time when you let your guard down.  Everyone says they know what you are going through, but they don't even have a clue.  Your confidence is gone... your self-esteem falters....your trust non-existent...your heart shattered.  How do you ever fully heal from the experience?  Better yet, how do you ever fully recover from the events that led to the divorce?

Two lives blended....two families blended.  Both taking their respective side without even an inkling that the other side was hurt...was forever changed as well.  Regardless of who caused the problem or problems that led to the divorce; of who decided on the divorce; or who "wins" in Court....no one wins.  Not the man.....not the woman....and definitely NOT THE CHILDREN.  Oh...yeah....the children.  Does anyone ever really think how they are hurt?  What damage done?  Kids are bounced back and forth from one parent to the other.  They are either picked up consistently or left waiting, suitcase in hand for a parent that just doesn't show up; at a ballgame looking to see an empty seat.  That is enough emotional damage to last a lifetime.

Then comes the child support.  Now let's be realistic - You are a family....there are two incomes...you both equally support the kids...then the divorce happens...there is one parent that has the kids the majority of the time, trying to survive off of one income with only the addition of 20% of a second income.  To make matters worse, the parent paying the child support "doesn't want to give their money to the other parent."  So...be a jerk....you may be hurting the custodial parent....but hey, idiot....you're ultimately hurting your kids.  The required parenting class talks about how if you think it's hard on you....it's a lot harder on the kids.  They emphasize to attempt to keep the life as normal as possible for the kids.  That only works when both parents are trying.

Regardless of the age of the children, they will forever be hurt by their parents splitting.  It doesn't matter if they agree to the split, it still hurts.  The important moments in their lives will no longer be shared by their joined families, because this person can't stand their mother and that person can't stand their father.  The step-mother doesn't want the father around the mother and the step-father thinks the same.  Neither parent can neglect their responsibility.  The kids were not asked to be brought into this world.  Ultimately, the kids receive either minimal support and encouragement or no support and encouragement from a parent. Nothing is the same - birthdays, holidays, extra-curricular activities, and graduation.  Oh, yes...they are about to graduate, nearing the 18th birthday and you will finally be able to stop the support - one less bill to pay, right?  Parents who love their children do not measure support for their kids by their age.  They continue to support them, not necessarily financially, but emotionally.  If your child is struggling to get by, are you really going to watch it happen?   But hey, parent paying the child support.....you will never be rid of the ex.  There are still weddings and grand kids, so grow up and act like an adult.  Be the parent you should be.  Help heal the aching hearts of your kids.  Their hurt is so much deeper than anyone can ever imagine!