Loud Moments of Silence

K.L. Toth said, "Sometimes the sound of silence is the most deafening sound of all."  While it's good to have quiet alone time, I would prefer to be surrounded by people and noise. Silence allows my mind to wander, allows me to think on things, to actually see my life for what it really is. It causes me to focus on where it's lacking depth, purpose, and meaning. You may think that's a good thing, that you need that time to evaluate your life, but for me, it's really not, especially when I already know I am not where I want to me, where I need to be and am honestly so tired of thinking. 

I hate the perception of an analytical mind, for that leads to a constant voice that won't go away, one that seeks meaning behind words, actions, lack of actions...behavior in general. In silence, my mind is constantly working, thinking, tearing situations apart while further screaming at me to live my life in a way that makes me happy, to be the captain of my own ship, to surround myself with those that actually care about me.  Yes. . .my friends, you think that I am not listening, when actually I am processing everything.  Some have told me to accept people for who they are and how they are, yet my analyzing falls victim to eye rolls, shaking heads and deep breaths, aggravation and a lack of understanding.  What's with the double standards?  Regardless of being told there is no meaning behind what is said, I disagree in that many words spoken have a deeper meaning to it.

While some may think I like tearing things apart, I actually totally despise my analytical mind to a certain extent.  I have had to read between the lines for so long, that it comes natural to me.  I long for a mind that is calm, that is happy and content, that trusts, one that doesn't constantly question whether how I feel is wrong, if what I want is wrong and that doesn't feel guilty for having expectations for my life. I want a mind free from confusion and one that doesn't include the stabbing pain of heartbreak or incessant neglect. 

Silence does give me time to think. . .not just of things that trouble me, but of my writing and most importantly, of others.  Yes, I know, it is a good thing to be concerned about others, to think about family and/or friends and what they may be dealing with because I do care so deeply for each of them.  My heart is big and my love is unconditional. It has no borders and I hate when I think that maybe it should for in some circumstances silence causes my heart to silently break.  While words can cut like a knife, silence it just as sharp and makes me wonder if it would be better for me to contain my love and guard my heart.  Honestly, though how is that fair to anyone else?  I have felt the numbness, have shut myself down from hurt and pain but in doing that, I have hurt others. It may guard your heart but it prevents others from loving you, prevents them from caring for you and for you to actually feel the love, the concern, the care and that just causes you to miss out on something so much greater.  I would rather have loved and lost than not to love at all.  I am not a cold person. I cannot shut my heart down for in doing that it just leads to bitterness and resentment and inevitably regret, it causes you to lose people in your life and I will not let anyone make me that way again!

Silence may be golden, but it can also be lethal.  If only people would just say what they mean, there would be no reason to process, to read between lines, and definitely no cause for an analytical mind. . .

Romance. . .is it dead?

 

Romance.... This has been a subject rolling around in my head for awhile.  What is romance exactly?  What is classified as romantic?  How do men interpret it?  How do women interpret it? Merriam-Webster defines romantic as of, relating to, or involving love between two people; making someone think of love : suitable for romance.  Many women yearn for romance in their lives so they pick up a book or find a sappy love movie.  This tends to intimidate men for the simple fact that they cannot compete with the imagination of an author or with Hollywood, but we don't really expect them to.  It’s always fun to get carried away in a movie or book, but most of us realize that’s not real life.  That is Hollywood’s trumped up version of romance and how many real Hollywood couples have a life like what they portray in the movies?  

The attentiveness between couples has become alarming and relationships have gotten puzzling, actually no….quite confusing is a better description.  While men used to call up women and ask them out on dates, it is now done via email, Facebook, or text.  Days of talking all night have evolved into FB messages, texts, Tweets, Instagram posts, Vines, Snapchats, etc. .  Dates have turned into "hanging out" and phone calls into incessant texting.  We have let the evolution of technology stand in the way of appropriate dating and getting to know each other and society is just sitting back and accepting this new trend. . .well, except for me. I am still old fashioned and fighting it every step of the way.  I still prefer to talk on the phone as opposed to emailing or texting because hey. . I really love to hear your voice on the other end of the line.  It still makes my heart skip a beat and makes me smile from ear to ear.  I’ve heard some say that they don’t have much to talk about on the phone.  If this is the case, then maybe you don't have anything in common.  

Spend more time paying attention to what interests each other. Put your cell phone down! Talk to each other about random things and actually listen to what each other says.  Not only is talking on the phone dead but apparently so is conversation.  I am a firm believer that texting has caused this!  Have you ever been on a date and just sat in awkward silence?  Not fun, is it?  So, try to make an effort to really listen to each other.   If something is on your mind, don’t clam up, speak up.  Learn more by asking questions instead of a replying with a generic "yes" or "no" or “I know” response.  Phrases like that lead to dead conversation which means you're not really listening.  Make that conversation last longer because that is the true way of getting to know each other.  Make time for each other and I mean quality time.  

Back to what is romantic.  Women, believe it or not, are much simpler than you guys give us credit for.  You don’t have to spend a fortune and make a scene to make us happy.  When it comes to what we see is romantic, it can simply be romantic gestures and to a woman this could be any of the following:

• cuddling on the couch
• holding hands
• a kiss on forehead
• a random hug or kiss - not just when she walks in or leaves
• laying on a blanket at night and stargazing
• walking up behind and putting your arms around her
• while standing behind her, move her hair out of the way and kiss her neck
• brush back her hair out of her face or even run your fingers through her hair
• looking in her eyes
• cooking her dinner
• massaging her neck or shoulders

Come on guys. . .think about it.  Your girlfriend (or wife) does sweet things for you.  Has she ever:

• fixed your lunch to take to work
• come to your house and cooked dinner for you
• baked you a pie or cookies and dropped them off to you for no reason
• rubbed your back when you’ve had a hard day
• involuntarily walked up and hugged or kissed you
• Brought you breakfast without you asking
• Saw something at the store that you liked and bought it for you
• Went out of her way to pick you up lunch or supper
• Offered to run errands for you or help you out in some way

The list could go on and on. She does this because she cares about you and these are the little things she does, the little romantic gestures that say, “Hey, you are important to me!” or “I really care about you!”  Now granted, most women are prone to things like this.  It’s just in their nature, doing little things because they were thinking about you.  As for me, I will see a picture or a loving phrase that reminds me of my boyfriend and I will send it to him.  But that’s just me.  I am a hopeless romantic and have a habit of putting others before myself.  I don't need a fairy tale romance, but stargaze with me or watch the sunset over the water and you’ve got me hooked. 

So, while we women love candlelight dinners and flowers, what we really want is little gestures of love, the little things in life that really show us you care, the little things that show we are on your mind and important to you.