Where do I even begin. . .
Love and relationships can be so hard, but are even harder after a divorce. It seems like since my divorce, I keep meeting people that end up being so scared of relationships and commitment that opening my heart and letting down my guard isn't even worth it anymore. It's not like me to be in a relationship and stay guarded. I open my heart so that the other person can see the true me, but I haven't been lucky enough to receive the same in return.
My boyfriend and I recently broke up and if it's possible, I am even more devastated than I've ever been. He's an awesome man - laid back, country boy, heart of gold, and just an all-in-all simple man - that's actually his nickname so even hearing the song now has me welling up in tears. Everyone has told me we are great together. . .perfect together. . .complement each other and I have such a clear vision that I see it the same way. So. . .what happened? Divorce happened.
It takes time to heal after a divorce, regardless of who filed. You go through stages of grief just like that of a death, but what makes it harder is that you know the other person isn't dead. They are living their life and moving on and you can become stuck which prevents you from moving on, picking up the pieces and attempting love again.
So....here I am torn. I can't be upset with him because I know where he is, know how he is feeling because I have been there. I want to help him through this and not for my own benefit in hopes of working things out, but because I hate to see people hurting. Don't get me wrong, I would give anything to work things out with him because I really cannot imagine my life without him, but I also want him happy, full of life, and content. If it ends up that we don't get back together and go the distance, I at least want him as a friend. It would hurt to see him with someone else, loving someone else, but his happiness means more to me than my own selfish wants.
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