Your character is so important and it only takes one mistake. . .one negative comment. . one rumor to ruin it for a long time. I sit here this morning at the point of tears as my heart is going out to my son right now. The product of a split family, he hasn't taken it well and if only he could have that one positive male role model to bring him out of the abyss he is slowly sinking in is all I ask for. I will never understand how he feels since my parents are still together, having been married for nearly 50 years now. I look at them and feel myself to be a failure because it is possible to stay married, to work through the hard times or bad times but I have failed my kids and so I take full responsibility for what my son is going through.
I know at some point in your life, you must quit blaming yourself for the choices your child makes and he/she must in turn quit blaming others for the choices he/she makes and learn that our actions have consequences. I try to be a positive role model, to influence him to think about things before he makes choices, but at 18 (and we've all been there), you think you know it all. You're invincible and don't need guidance anymore, don't need rules and curfews. He's finding out that being 18 isn't as great as what he always thought.
Where as a parent do you draw the line? When do you step back and let them make their own mistakes, let them deal with their own consequences? You try to give them space, to "loosen the umbilical cord" and then they go and do something stupid and you're left with the guilt that the reins shouldn't have been loosened at all. You think you get through to them and then they go and do something else stupid or start hanging out with the wrong crowd. Why can't they see this? Who we hang around with can make or break our reputation and why are others so quick to judge? If there is a good kid in the middle of a troubled crowd, isn't it possible that they can be trying to be a positive role model for the others, that they are trying to help their friends out of the abyss they are sinking in? Why do they necessarily have to be "part of the trouble"?
I am also stunned at the number of people just out looking for gossip. It doesn't matter if it's true or not, they will absorb it and then let it spew from their mouths like vomit. To those of you like this, I have one question. . .is your life THAT boring that you have to go around spreading crap without any inclination whether there is truth to substantiate the words you spread? Words spoken cannot be retracted. Even if it is determined the rumor is false, the words will still be there, thoughts still in the minds of those that heard it and there you have gone and ruined another person's reputation, slandered their name and their character. . . .what do you have to say for yourself now?
I personally feel my responsibility is to my own kids. I need to worry about them and if I am being the parent I should be, I don't have time to worry about your child and what they are doing. Furthermore I wouldn't be trying to blame someone else's kid for MY kid's choices. Go and deal with your own child and leave mine alone. Yours has a brain. Yours has free will to make their own choices so don't blame their stupidity on mine and I will likewise not do the same.
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